February 9, 2012
The “M” Word
09February2012
February 1, 2012
Infertility and…
01February2012
December 11, 2011
What is a woman supposed to do?
11December2011
What is a woman supposed to do… When she is losing a baby birthed from her heart? When the feelings of inadequacy and emptiness that come with infertility have come back full force, and immeasurably stronger than before because now she knows what she’s missing? When she prayed harder than she’s ever prayed before and the answer is still “no”? When she is having a...
May 29, 2011
When an infertile woman suddenly has a baby….
29May2011
When an infertile woman suddenly has a baby… She realizes just how right she was that something was missing. She realizes how much she loves her husband and how amazing he is. She realizes how holding a baby (especially in a moby wrap) makes people react to you differently. (More on that soon.) She prays for God’s healing of her body more than ever. She glows. (or so Hubby tells me.)...
May 23, 2011
Baby E Coming Home?
23May2011
After multiple phone calls from multiple sources, the consensus seems to be that Baby E will be coming home TOMORROW! The hospital wants me to do an overnight to make sure I understand how to care for her… Really? She’s a baby! Yeah, she has some special needs, but we’re not talking a g-tube or ventilator or anything, she’s just ultra sensitive to noise and light. Anywho...
February 28, 2011
Poof! (A dream)
28February2011
I felt the contractions, the pushing, the pressure. I heard his first cries of life. I saw with my own eyes. We had a boy. I felt his baby fingers and toes. His fuzzy, curly hair. I smelled his wonderful new-baby smell. I kissed his beautiful cheeks, and his nose. I heard my beloved’s voice coo at his new son. I discussed what we should name him, and I wasn’t so sure about Samuel or...
September 25, 2010
And they keep on comin’
25September2010
I dreamt about you again. I could feel you inside me. I dreamt about the passion that created you, and the joy on your daddy’s face. I dreamt that I was in a locker room bathroom peeing on a stick, and how quickly those two lines appeared. I dreamt that my dear friend Melinda was there to catch me when I collapsed in disbelief, because who else would be? I could feel your kicks inside...
July 20, 2010
Yesterday/Today
20July2010
Yesterday he gave up. Today he tried. Really REALLY hard. Yesterday I gave up. Today I had hope. Yesterday they disrespected and defied. Today they listened and followed instructions. Yesterday I cried and cried and cried. Today I laughed….not a whole lot, but I did. Yesterday I mourned over my empty womb. Today I rejoice with two sisters in Christ who have brought two beautiful daughters...
July 19, 2010
Right Now
19July2010
Right now I am not liking being Mom. Right now I am not liking my sons Right now I want to eat a big bowl of ice cream, but am not, because I am an emotional un-eater. Right now I am so angry at so many things and I have no idea who I can vent to that will understand. No. Not even you. Right now I am so angry that my stupid womb doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to because then maybe...
February 4, 2009
It was on my mind…so I wrote it.
04February2009
Dear ones, I wish I had good news to tell you. I wish that I could pick up that phone and tell you that something wonderful and life altering was happening in my body right now. I sound so ungrateful and lacking so much faith, but I wish that I could tell you what you wanted to hear. The conversation might go something like this “Hey (insert special relationship here)! How are you?” “I’m fine...
