I’m not good at being alone. I’m not good at silence. I’ve had a lot of both lately. Hubby has been traveling a lot. I’ve gotten used to it, and have learned to cope in a lot of ways. One of those ways is the knowledge that at least my sister, Rachel, will come home from work at night and be with me. This week, everything was different. You see, my sister went on a short...
What is a woman supposed to do… When she is losing a baby birthed from her heart? When the feelings of inadequacy and emptiness that come with infertility have come back full force, and immeasurably stronger than before because now she knows what she’s missing? When she prayed harder than she’s ever prayed before and the answer is still “no”? When she is having a...
I’m sorry I’ve been quiet again. My heart is hurting and I want so badly to write about it, but I can’t. Everything is just too confidential and sensitive. Things are changing. Big time changing. Like…. I don’t know what God is doing, but I hope this season is coming to an end and the next is full of all kinds of joy….kind of changing. One thing that has my...
Dear Dad, Daddy. I miss you. Today is the day we who are still stuck here in this mortal coil will remember the day you were born. You would have been 56 today. Let me double check that on FB. Yup. I think I’m right. Reading the posts on your FB page shows so much about who you were, although I’m not sure if some of the commenters realize that you’ve gone home. Sometimes I...
My daddy is gone. Gone to be with his Savior. With his King. Right where he always wanted to be. But he was only 55. Last night I was shattered, and all I could think about were the “He will never…” and the “I will never…” agains. They flooded me. But not today. Today I am flooded with memories of my wonderful daddy, Instead. “Once upon a time there was a...
Between wishing you had never opened your home to “those kids” and knowing there is nothing else you would rather do than parent and love on “those kids” it’s tougher than tough on your heart. On my heart. I realized this evening that I have not been on MARE since September. Or Spence-Chapin for that matter. There are two reasons for this. 1. I’ve been so crazy...
Yesterday he gave up. Today he tried. Really REALLY hard. Yesterday I gave up. Today I had hope. Yesterday they disrespected and defied. Today they listened and followed instructions. Yesterday I cried and cried and cried. Today I laughed….not a whole lot, but I did. Yesterday I mourned over my empty womb. Today I rejoice with two sisters in Christ who have brought two beautiful daughters...
Disclaimer: I love my parents very very much. I love my step-parents very very much. This post is in no way meant to hurt my wonderful parental units. It is, however, meant to give an older child’s point of view on the very hurtful nature of divorce. (All) Parents everywhere need to know what happens to the heart of a child when they make choices that change a child’s life forever...
The meeting was very quick yesterday. It went something like this… Caseworker: So Grace has decided she no longer wants to be adopted by you, Hannah and Kaleb. Do you think we should try to force her into to it? Me: No, Kaleb I have done a lot of talking and praying and we are going to step back. Grace is not ready, and we need to move on and be available for a child who wants a home and a...
Dear ones, I wish I had good news to tell you. I wish that I could pick up that phone and tell you that something wonderful and life altering was happening in my body right now. I sound so ungrateful and lacking so much faith, but I wish that I could tell you what you wanted to hear. The conversation might go something like this “Hey (insert special relationship here)! How are you?” “I’m fine...
Wife, mother, chauffeur, referee, teacher, chef, caretaker, etc...All unto Christ.
