Between
wishing you had never opened your home to “those kids”
and
knowing there is nothing else you would rather do than parent and love on “those kids”
it’s tougher than tough
on your heart.
On my heart.
I realized this evening that I have not been on MARE since September.
Or Spence-Chapin for that matter.
There are two reasons for this.
1. I’ve been so crazy busy that I barely get online to do much of anything. Have you noticed?
2. Well, let’s just say that our recent adventures in parenthood have not exactly inspired my heart to be open to more children…which is a first for me.
A very alien feeling.
NOT wanting more kids.
Not wanting kids PERIOD!
Even the ones I have.
Especially the ones I have.
Thankfully, feelings are just what they are.
And then you get to look behind those feelings, and God has some very interesting things to show you.
Who do you trust? Who do you run to? Who is your true comforter?
No, ladies and gentlemen, it is NOT my precious pink blankey.
So anywho, I looked at the pictures of the waiting kids tonight. I prayed for those that have been there a long time, including my Grace. I prayed for the new ones, especially those with special needs that still…especially…deserve a chance to be loved.
I prayed for my heart…to be healed…to be completely His.
And maybe, even be open to more…if He has them intended for us.
How’s your heart?
Is it His today?
Blessings!
Hannah
I have to say that adopting two older boys is going to be completely different then having your OWN baby, or even just adopting a baby or child. I think you guys have been put in one of the most difficult situations you could be in, yet God knows you can do it. You have such a wonderful, loving heart Hannah. You’ll want more kids, you love them, everyone knows that about you. ;0) I pray for you all the time, that one day soon, you and your family will be ready in God’s perfect timing for a baby of your very own. I think you are doing an amazingly wonderful job!
Dearest Hannah:
I suspect that nearly everything that we think we really want comes with a price that we were not quite expecting to pay. You did right with the boys. I am certain that Moses felt the same as you about ten days out from Egypt. But it was the right thing to do… Deliverance is often messy. You and hubby are called to be a Moses to these boys. And where God leads, provision is always waiting. Even emotional supplies. Do not give up.
Your temporarily unemployed Daddy